Why Would I Cry During Sex？

Sex is like a magic potion, once tainted by it, humans become like thoughtless animals, subject only to its dominion. For most people, sex should evoke feelings of joy and comfort, and indeed, this is often the case. However, sometimes people also experience emotional distress as a result of sex, particularly women. But what triggers these post-sex blues? This article aims to delve into this question in detail. Understanding these factors can help you better manage feelings of sadness that may arise during sexual encounters.

Is crying after sex normal?

Not only is this not abnormal, it’s actually quite common. Tears can be a response to either negative or positive emotions. Whether you feel your partner hurt you during sex or you’re overwhelmed with intense emotions afterward, crying is a natural occurrence. While crying or laughing heavily in bed may lead to awkward moments, it doesn’t necessarily indicate that something is wrong with you.

When assessing your experiences, it’s important to consider whether they’re interfering with your relationship or making you feel generally unwell before drawing any conclusions.

Do men cry after sex, too?

Due to a lack of comprehensive data, it’s difficult to draw definitive conclusions.

Although research on postcoital dysphoria (PCD) in men is limited, a study conducted in 2018 with 1208 male participants indicated that 41% reported crying at least once after sex, with over 20% experiencing this within the past 4 weeks.

Therefore, whether male or female, experiencing post-sex sadness to some degree is not uncommon.

Why do people cry after sex?

For many people, sexual activity itself is an overwhelming experience, and its intensity can lead to unexpected tears of joy. These “tears of joy” may become even more intense after a prolonged period without sexual activity.

For couples who enjoy role-playing, those scenarios can heighten tension and excitement, leading to an emotional rollercoaster. When you come back to reality, a sense of immense letdown may surround you, leaving you feeling lost, helpless, or even in tears. If you find yourself troubled by the urge to cry, you can try dialing down the intensity of the scenarios to see if it helps.

In addition, a history of sexual abuse or other trauma, unhappy sexual relationships, and difficulty regulating emotions (such as anxiety, nervousness, irritability, or depression) can all trigger PCD. Sex may amplify fears and conflicts buried deep within you, ultimately leading to a breakdown and tears in bed.

While most people view oxytocin as the love hormone, some researchers believe it may enhance feelings of fear and anxiety in certain individuals. It can be speculated that the release of oxytocin in those who have traumatic or sad memories associated with past sexual encounters may lead to depressive or sad responses. Even if you’re currently in a healthy, secure relationship, unresolved emotions can resurface during particularly intimate, vulnerable moments, leading to such reactions.

Aside from emotional and hormone factors, some physiological and psychological illnesses can also cause sexual pain, leading to PCD, such as insomnia, loss of appetite, difficulty concentrating, or physical illnesses or disabilities.

What to do if you crying during sex?

As long as it doesn’t disrupt your enjoyment of sex, shedding a few tears after orgasm isn’t necessarily a big deal, even if it might feel confusing at the moment. “Recognize that these emotions are a part of being human,” Cooper suggests, noting that anyone can experience “a wide range of feelings when hormones and emotional attachment are combined in such an intense way.”

Even if you regularly find yourself crying after orgasm and it doesn’t bother you (meaning you felt positive about the experience and your partner), it might be helpful to give any new partner a heads-up before getting intimate. You could say something like, “Hey, just so you know, I tend to get emotional after sex, and it’s just a part of my process. Please don’t take it personally, but understand that I might need some extra comfort and cuddling afterward.”

If you’re curious about this reaction and want to explore it further, take a moment to process your emotions once you and your partner are no longer in an intimate setting and are feeling more emotionally stable. “Take some time to reflect on the emotions that arise,” Cooper suggests.

When you’re ready, consider doing a short breathing exercise to help relax your body and mind, then jot down your thoughts in a journal or on your phone. How are you feeling, both physically and mentally? Where in your body are you experiencing these emotions? Consistently practicing this exercise might help you identify any patterns.

Once again, crying after orgasm is quite common and doesn’t always indicate that something is wrong—there are various factors at play in the body that can trigger those tears. However, for some individuals, it could signal a deeper issue that requires attention.

For instance, “We know that survivors of childhood sexual abuse often carry much of this trauma in their bodies, even if they don’t have clear memories of what happened to them,” Cooper explains, noting that sex can sometimes bring up “frustrating, sad, or traumatic memories.”

If the emotions you experience after orgasm start to affect your ability to enjoy sex or your relationship with your partner, it may be time to seek help from a professional. You can start by consulting with an ob-gyn or a primary care doctor, who can help identify or rule out any underlying health issues contributing to the problem.

Additionally, consider reaching out to a therapist or an AASECT-certified sex therapist for specialized guidance. Whatever you need to process or work through, remember to be compassionate with yourself—because you deserve to have sex that feels safe and satisfying.

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What to do if your partner cries?

If your partner is the one crying instead of you, it’s crucial to know how to handle their emotions:

1. Ask if something is wrong, but avoid belittling or sounding accusatory.

2. Offer comfort, while also respecting their need for space if they request it.

3. Discuss the issue later, when emotions have cooled down. Listen attentively and respectfully, but don’t push for a conversation if they’re still not ready to discuss it.

4. Avoid pressuring them into sexual activity.

5. Inquire about how you can support them.

6. Above all, simply be there for them.

Conclusion

Regardless of the reasons, crying after sex is very common for both men and women. If you feel weary of this situation, don’t worry, there are many online resources that can help you break free from it. If you feel like things are beyond your control, consider seeking help from a professional therapist. Through appropriate therapy and open communication between you and your partner, you can enjoy a positive and fulfilling sex life.